Ever heard the phrase “Hurt people hurt people”?
Today, I’m starting a series on “Trauma”

The fact that we do not talk about this enough and that people do not really believe that some of their behavioural patterns is as a result of either a childhood trauma that they are yet to heal from or a traumatic/toxic relationship they refused to heal from before moving onto the next.

In my series on Emotional Satisfaction, I spoke about how being emotionally satisfied as an adult and being able to emotionally satisfy your partner has a lot to do with how we were raised as children.
Good parenting leaves a secure imprint of intimacy on a child that forms positive beliefs and healthy expectations about all future relationships.
Memories of comfort are a strong indicator you were imprinted by your early experiences to express feelings, seek connection, and expect relief when life gets bumpy and you hit the potholes of life.

Now let’s pause for a minute and think about this because 80% of the time, parents end up pushing their hurt, pain, trauma, anxiety, fear, battles to their kids mostly unknowingly because we do not know that we are damaged, broken or still hurting from how we were treated by someone whom we cared so much about.

For some of us who don’t know… Love Realities was born from a place of hurt, betrayal and heartbreak. Oh yes! I had started writing because I was heartbroken, sad and depressed and the only way I could feel better was putting my thoughts down.

I remember back then in 2018, I used to write a lot about heartbreak, unrequited love. I even started “diary of a broken girl” where I would write short letters to the one who broke my heart 😀 and at some point I wrote a series on “how to get your ex back” and “how to show him you’re girlfriend material”

For me, it was my own way of processing things, little did I know that I was projecting my hurt and trauma on the people who were reading my posts, on my followers and subscribers.
A blog that was supposed to help people move on from hurt, see a brighter side of life and actually heal kept them stuck on trauma and pain because I was blind to my own trauma.

But when I began to heal, my writing got better and I started to talk more about how to move forward, self care, love and most importantly, God. I learnt to differentiate my hurt from my writings and even though I was hurt a few times afterwards, I didn’t write about it or pine endlessly about it to everyone and anyone that cared to listen. I learnt to preach love even while I was hurting, I learnt to show love even when I didn’t feel like it because at the end of the day, people will always remember how you made them feel.

This actually brought me more satisfaction and peace of mind than when I was ranting and projecting and this became my healing process.

To be honest, this is what happens when we do not heal. We unintentionally bleed on others. We end up damaging and hurting people who come close to us and the cycle goes on and on.

When you push damaged people into society, you’re not making the world a better place in any way.

Traumas are real and yes they lead to most of the behavioural patterns we exhibit in our relationships with our partners, friends, colleagues. Etc.
Check how you treat other people, check how you respond or react when triggered, check how you deal with anger, hurt and how you respond to care, love and attention. How do you communicate? Is there something your partner has complained to you about lately and looking back into your past relationships they’ve also complained about the same thing?

If there’s an indicator that something is not right then sit with it and deal with it.
You can as well ask your close friends/partner for feedback.

Let’s be honest with ourselves and also keep in mind that everyone’s response to trauma is unique, and the impact on behavioral patterns can vary greatly.
The earlier we find these indicators and deal with them, the better for us.

To be continued…

Up next : Trauma and Parenting.

In case you missed my series on Emotional Satisfaction, you can read here 👉🏽 https://loverealities.com.ng/2024/09/07/emotional-satisfaction-an-important-skill-for-a-long-lasting-bond/

Good morning Fam and have a beautiful weekend ahead ❤️